Space Warpers
by JarvisGaming
Summary: A human and a robot goes to Gensokyo. What could go right?
1. Welcome to Gensokyo!

Authors Note:

My first Touhou Project fanfic! (I suck at writing pls send help)

I do not own any characters from Touhou Project, blah blah blah ok you guys should get it by now.

It is recommended that you play Touhou Project before reading this fanfic.

(Uploaded on both Storywrite & Fanfiction, so spacing might be affected)

Chapter 1: Welcome to Gensokyo!

So before this starts, quick backstory. I am a robot that Jason had made at the age of 7 (Don't ask me how that's possible), because he was completely isolated at the time, even at school where no one talked to him. I was designed to behave and act like a human. It's basically everything you have, but even worse! Well… he just wanted a friend… And that's why I'm here. To accompany him. I guess you can technically call me a 'servant', but overall, we're kind of just friends… or even brothers…

We're a part of the Space Warpers family – which means we get to go to other dimensions! We're a family that specializes in protecting dimensions of all sorts, even the ones which seem non-existent. And now to the story.

Darkness. A shimmer of light. The broad daylight escaped into my eyes, forcing me to wake up. I got off my back and stretched, just realizing that I was on a grassy plain, with trees nearby.

"That's weird." I said to myself. "What the hell am I doing here?"

As I sat on the soft grass, I tried to recall my memory.

 _Let's see… War broke out, Jason and I ran to the laboratory… Hopped into a portal to escape-_

Before I was finished thinking, a snowball splat onto my face, abruptly ending my thoughts.

I immediately stood up and wiped the small pile of snow on my face, and looked around. Behind me, there were 5 people, all female, and apparently, one of them threw a snowball, curved it 180 degrees, and landed it on my face. Wow… People do like to screw with physics…

 _Well, I am a robot, so I can calculate the snowballs trajectory in a split second, and apparently, it is possible… in a tornado. Do they have like magic of some sort? Because I've seen witches, orcs, giants, but not fairies nor human-sized… birds… and fireflies… Wait is that girl producing darkness around her body!?_

"(In Japanese) Hey you human! Freeze!" said the fairy with… icicles… on her back…

 _Ok… Is it too late to walk back now? Just because I'm a robot doesn't mean Japanese is within my range of understanding… Most likely because translation technology is still sh!t. Wow thanks Google._

I didn't really had much time to think, all that is processing in my core is the image of 2 fairies, a ball of darkness, a human-sized bird and firefly.

 _Anyways,_ now it's a good time to back away from fairies who can screw with logic. I took a few steps back and accidentally stumbled on a log that recently fell.

"(In Japanese) I challenge you to a duel!" The… ice fairy… I suppose… exclaimed.

Do you know when you're talking with people from other countries, you kinda get what they're saying, but not really, so you try to respond, but you completely fail?

Yeah that's the feeling I'm having right now.

I mashed the words she just said into a translator, and the words I got which make sense are challenge and duel-

 _Well maybe I can take her on? All 5 of them? Well, after all, they're all children, much smaller than me. I think._

I picked myself up and nodded my head, then the blue-haired fairy started firing colorful bullets with her companions.

A thousand bullets were fired, creating a swarm of bright hell which was heading towards me.

 _Oh f**k run._

I instantly turned my back and darted through the forest.

"(In Japanese) After him!" The ice fairy said to her companions.

Bullets came from left and right, barely grazing my arms. I didn't have any time to look back.

 _What the hell is going on? Is this how everyone in this dimension spend their time? Firing bullets at each other for absolutely no damn reason? Well I mean I did accept her challenge, but I thought it would be more, you know… Not a bullet firing hellstorm._

I turned around and pulled my pistol out.

 _Might as well distract them._

I pointed the gun at the blue-haired fairy, and pulled the trigger…

I felt my non-existent heart pulsing as the bullet blasted through the air, and reaching towards that fairy's head.

 _Come on… It's not your first time killing…_

I waited as I heard the bullet tear through her skull, blood spewing out of her head, as she fell onto the ground.

"(In Japanese) Cirno-chan!" the other fairy exclaimed.

They all stopped chasing after me, to check on the blue-haired fairy's condition.

As I ran deeper into the forest, I could hear the fairy crying in pain and agony.

 _What is this feeling…? Is this… guilt? No… She definitely deserved it… right?_

 _Well that won't really matter now. The bigger problem is… WHERE THE HELL AM I GOING TO SLEEP?_ I thought as I stared at the sun, setting down upon the mountains.

I kept walking through the forest, drowning out the sound of wind blowing against the trees with my own thoughts.

Marisa's POV

 _Well, might as well get home no-_

I thought as before I accidently bumped into another person.

"(In Japanese) Are you alright?" I asked him.

Jarvis's POV

 _God damn it. What is this? Japan? Well… Just hope she actually speaks English._

I slowly spat out the words 'Do you speak English'.

Marisa's POV

 _Oh God damn it. This must be one of the languages from the human world that Yukari told me about. Good thing I actually learnt a bit of it._

"Where… you come from?"

Jarvis's POV

 _Yes! Someone who actually speaks English… sort of… Well it's good enough._

I tried to say the simplest words I can possibly think of to try to make her understand.

"I… come from… outside world…"

Marisa's POV

 _Wait… If he's comes from another world then… Frick. Yukari brought another human to Gensokyo. Again. That damn gap hag._

I realized that today was the 15th of May, which meant that Yukari was visiting Reimu today.

 _I should just take him to the Hakurei Shrine and talk to Yukari. Then we can know what the hell's going on._

"…Come on… me…"

Jarvis's POV

… _Ok now this I can't understand. So does she want me to come to her or does she want to take me to somewhere?_

We both stood there in silence.

I stared right into her eyes, as I contemplated the many meanings of what she was trying to say.

Marisa's POV

 _You know what? Screw it._

I grabbed his hands and started to lead him through the forest.

Jarvis's POV

My hand started trembling as I felt my face turning red.

 _This feels so weird..._

It's like in a movie where a kid walks to a white van that says 'free ice-cream', and a man suddenly jumps out and kidnaps him… but doing it with a stranger almost the same age as yours with the opposite gender.

30 minutes later…

We finally went out of the forest, and right in front of us are some stone steps, leading to some sort of shrine.

Did I mention for the fact that **she was holding my hand the entire time!?**

"You can… let go of my hand now…" I said softly, my face still slightly red.

Marisa's POV

 _Wait… did I hold hands with him during the entire journey? Oh crap…_

I let go of his hand immediately and he quickly slammed his hand back to his side, his face still slightly blushing.

"I… sorry…"

Jarvis's POV

…

' _Let's just get this over with.'_ is what I thought when I climbed up the shrine steps.

I looked up at the sky, the sun was barely visible, the light illuminating the lands slowly being replaced by darkness.

 _Fact: I'm Chinese, and Chinese is one of the hardest languages in the world. Yeah good luck trying to learn that._

"What is your name?" I slowly asked her.

"…M-Marisa." She said with a Japanese accent.

"My name is Jarvis." I said. She nodded in response.

As we approached the shrine, I put my hand in my pocket, touching the pistol in it, just in case something terrible happens.

Marisa knocked on the door. It slid open, revealing a teenage girl with red shrine clothes.

(Prepare for long ass conversations)

"(In Japanese) Marisa? I didn't expect to see you at this time." She looked over to me.

"(In Japanese) And who's that?"

"(In Japanese) Never mind that. I'm looking for Yukari."

"(In Japanese) Yukari!"

A purple gap with eyes inside appeared right next to her, which made me jump back a little bit. A lady wearing purple and white clothes jumped out, which, again, scared me a little bit.

I rubbed my eyes to make sure I wasn't hallucinating.

Annnnd I wasn't...

"What…?"

"(In Japanese) I need to talk with you for a while." Marisa responded.

"(In Japanese) Can you excuse us for a second, Reimu?"

"(In Japanese) Yeah sure."

The shrine maiden walked back into the shrine, and closed the door.

"(In Japanese) God damn it Yukari, why did you have to bring another human to Gensokyo? Remember what happened last time you did that?"

"(In Japanese) First of all, it wasn't my fault that he was brain-washed and tried to destroy Gensokyo. Secondly, I didn't bring him here."

"(In Japanese) Well h- Wait… if you didn't bring him here… then… who did?"

They both stared at me, like they would actually get some answers from me.

I had no idea what they're saying, since I don't want to translate all of that and waste my processing power.

Yukari leaned over to Marisa and told her something. Shortly after, she left and went into the shrine, and Yukari started talking with me.

"Who brought you here?" she asked with a serious tone.

 _Thank god. She actually speaks English._

"I… came here myself."

We both stared at each other in complete silence for a short while.

"…Ok… I have no idea what in the world what is wrong with you. Gensokyo is a very dangerous place for a human."

"I escaped here from a massive war, so you can't really blame me to be honest."

"Keep going."

"I'm a part of the Space Warpers family, you know… 'The Defenders of The Galaxy' or some BS like that."

"A war broke out near the Boundaries of Time, and we were there to stop the evil force from messing with it and shifting the timeline. Things didn't really go that well, and most of us were killed during the incident. My 'brother' and I escaped when we hopped on a shuttle ship and travelled back to our secret base and escaped through a portal."

"And then?"

"…I landed face first when falling from the sky, and then I blacked out. I couldn't see him when I fell."

I turned my head to see the sunset.

"I hope he's okay."

"Hmm… I remember who said the exact same things that you did."

"What does he look like?"

"A bit taller than you, wears glasses, and somehow has an AK-47 shoved in his pocket."

"Yep. That's him. Any idea on where he is?"

"No f**king clue."

"Well is he still alive?"

"No f**king clue."

"Are you going to keep answering my questions like that?"

"No f**king clue."

"Just tell me what the hell is going on."

"So… Gensokyo is a place where human and youkai live together in peace…"

20 minutes later…

"And that's it."

"… I feel like I just took a history lesson."

"That's because you did."

"So basically… if I piss someone off then I'm fucked, right?"

"Yep."

I turned my head back to the sun again. It has already hidden behind the mountains, with the bright starry night replacing its role.

"Oh yeah. You might need this."

I turned my head to face her. "Hmm?"

I immediately saw a purple gap appearing next to her, her hand shoving some sort of gadget into it. Then I realized… it was a teleportation gap… right to my throat…

I felt like a blade cutting though my throat while her hand was sticking the device on it.

"What the fu- AHHHHH"

Her hand was still in my throat.

"CAN YOU BE- AHH ANYMORE SLOWER- AHHH"

30 seconds of torture later…

She pulled her hand out of the gap, and I leaned on a nearby pole to catch my breath.

She glanced at the floor, and found another device on the floor. She bend her knees and picked it up.

"Oh fu… I dropped it…"

The gap appeared next to her again, as I rapidly shook my head.

"No no no please no God please n- AHHHHH"

30 more seconds of hell later…

She pulled her hand out once again, and I fell onto the floor, accidentally spiting some blood out.

"That wasn't so hard, now was it?"

"Fu… you…"

She helped me up by using 'gap physics', and I ended up standing on my feet again.

"What the hell did you stick in me anyways?"

"They're both for communication. Once is for translating everything you say into Japanese, and the other one is for translating everything you hear into English."

"So does it work?"

"I'm speaking Japanese right now."

"So it works."

We walked back to the front of the shrine and Yukari slid open the door.

Reimu and Marisa both sat under the kotatsu. (A _**kotatsu**_ is a low, wooden table frame covered by a futon, or heavy blanket, upon which a table top sits. – From Wikipedia because I'm lazy)

"Are you guys okay?" Reimu asked. "We heard some pretty loud screaming coming from you."

"We're both okay." Yukari responded.

"Well I'm not."

"Anyways, I stuck some translators in his throat, so you should be able to communicate with him now."

"Trust me, it hurts."

"Well that explains all the screaming." said Marisa.

"Well, it's getting pretty late, you wanna stay here for the night?" Reimu turned to me and asked.

"Um… sure?"

Marisa rubbed her eyes, surprised that she saw Reimubeing… very un-Reimu like (which is fancy for saying that she's not greedy all of a sudden).

"Well anyways, gotta go! See ya!" she acted as if she didn't care. She hopped onto her broom (where did that come from) and flew off, leaving trails of little glowing stars behind, which vanished after a few seconds.

"So…" I turned my head around, just found out that Yukari had already left, and Reimu was already in her shrine.

"Come in." she said.

I stepped into the shrine, and I looked around. Well… you can say the decorations are pretty… I mean really bland.

"So where will I be sleeping?"

"Take a left here, you'll be sleeping with Suika." She pointed her hand to the corridor next to us.

"With who?"

"The drunk oni."

"So is she your child or-"

"Freeloader."

"Oh."

I walked into the room. Stepping in, I can hear loud snoring sounds. Must be that 'freeloader' that Reimu was talking about.

I looked over to the beds, and there she was. An oni wearing a white and purple dress, with a sake gourd chained to one of her hands. I guess she _really_ likes sake. Oh, did I mention that her two big ass horns are literally impaling the wall?

I walked over to the bed next to hers, put my shoes and socks against the wall, and began to enjoy my slumber.

-12:00 PM-

 _IF ONLY SHE COULD SHUT THE HELL UP!_

My eyes were wide open, annoyed by the fact that Suika was talking something about her sake in her sleep.

 _I won't be able to sleep like this…_

I got up from bed and walked over to the sleeping oni. I grabbed her blanket and pulled it over to her face, covering it. Her talking became much quieter, yes, but then she bounced up, and took the blanket off her face.

She was catching her breath, when she turned her head over to me.

"Wha…?"

"Please kindly shut the hell up. I'm trying to sleep here."

She rubbed her eyes, trying to identify the shadowy figure standing beside her.

"Ah! An intruder!" She quickly threw her fist at me.

"Wait no NO-"

A loud boom scattered across the shrine. Yeah I'm pretty sure I was dead at that point.

-To be Continued-

[Characters Unlocked]

Jarvis – Your non-average asshole.

Cirno – The Fairy from Wonderland

Daiyousei – The Other Random Fairy

Rumia – The Perfect Person for Censoring Porn

Wriggle – A bug

Mystia – A bird

Reimu – A human plane

Marisa – A human sitting on a stick

Yukari – The Gap Hag

Suika – Your loli

[Relationships]

Marisa Kirisame

Held hands with her for an entire 30 minutes - +5 Points (Wait it counts?)

Relationship increased by 5!

Currently: 5/100

Authors Note: Wew! Finally! This is definitely the longest fanfic I've ever written! I really wanted to keep this 'all ages', but I couldn't help but add swearing in it _ I've really wanted to write something like this for like, I don't know… a year maybe. I had all these ideas inside of me, and now it's time for me to express them! Anyways, it is probably time for me to end this off. I will post a link here after Chapter 2 is uploaded (For Storywrite users). Well, I'm probably gonna end this at exactly 3k words. Okay, thank you all very much for reading this _ I'd really hope that you'll like it! Anyways, it's almost 3k words, so again, thank you so much for reading this, and-

Oh no I'm out of

(Microsoft Word said it was exactly 3k words so CLOSE ENOUGH)


	2. A Taste of Your Own Medicine

Prev Chapter (For StoryWrite users): /story/13559421-A-Touhou-Project-fanfic-Space-Warpers-Chapter-1-by-JarvisGaming

Authors Note:

Today is 24/10/2017. Let's see how long it will take me to finish this :^)

So, I currently have 850+ views on StoryWrite and 40 views on Fanfiction. Thank you for all the support!

Crush this with criticism pls :3

 _Chapter 2: "Revenge Sign: A Taste of Your Own Medicine"_

Suika's fist slammed against my face, sending me flying towards the wall. A loud boom scattered across the shrine, forcing Reimu to wake up.

The door to the room slid open, letting some light in it. Reimu was wearing pink pajamas, with a pair of slippers which look like bunnies (they are so cute /).

"What the hell are you doing… Don't you know it's the middle of the nig- Wha… wha… the… fu…" She asked while looking at me, who's lying on the floor, spitting out some blood, leaving a hole in the wall.

She rubbed her eyes. She couldn't believe what happened.

She rubbed her eyes again. Nothing changed.

I glanced at her face, she eyes and mouth were widened. I changed my direction to look at her hand, she was taking out her gohei (Gohei are wooden wands, decorated with two shide (zigzagging paper streamers) used in Shinto rituals – From Wikipedia). _Yep she's pissed._

[Jason's POV]

My eyes were open wide. I turned my head and saw Marisa sleeping next to me. I looked upward and looked at the clock. It was now 12 pm.

 _Must be my insomnia._

I shut my eyes and attempted to sleep again. As I was slowly approaching to dreamland, I felt Marisa's breathing tickling my nose. I opened my eyes just a tiny bit, and saw her cute face.

I immediately clenched my nose, feeling the blood almost rushing through.

 _Frick. Frick. Fu- I can't hold it!_

Some of the blood went through, splattering all over the bed… and eventually on her face.

She slowly opened her eyes. "Wha… wha?" She felt her face covered with something, so she touched her face with her hand, and put it in front of her eyes to see clearly what it was. "Wha… Is that blood?"

 _Wait… did I have a perio- Oh wait periods don't work like that._

I quickly flipped by body to the other side, facing the window, my face blushing red.

 _I hope she didn't notice it…_

I rubbed my nose with my hand, the blood still slowly coming out of it.

"(In Japanese)Jason… what the heck are you doing?"

 _Frick._

"(In Japanese)Uh… A bird flew in… and hit the seiling fan…"

[2 hours ago]

"Where the hell am I going to sleep…?" I said as I gazed at the starry night.

I continued casually walking through the forest, looking at the bright stars. I saw a black spot upon them, so I squinted my eyes to see it more clearly.

 _Is that… a witch on a broom?_

"(In Japanese)Watch out!" She said as she blasted through the air, slowly plummeting towards me.

"Oh cr-"

For a second, I saw a witch wearing a black dress almost puncturing my stomach with her broom, the next second getting slammed into a tree behind me, the next my vision becoming a blur…

 _Damn you, life…_

Later…

I woke up in a rather big room, on a comfy pink bed.

 _Where am I…?_ I thought as I rubbed my head.

I pushed myself up from the bed, and looked around.

 _Meh. Boring décor._

I looked up, and saw a plain wooden clock, with 'Nitori' written on it.

 _It's already 10pm? How long have I been out for?_

"(In Japanese) Oh. You're finally awake."

I was frightened for a second, as I turned around my head to see a yellow-haired witch a few feet away from me.

"(In Japanese) Who are you again?"

"(In Japanese) I'm Marisa… You know… I hit you with my broom a while back…"

"(In Japanese) Oh…"

"(In Japanese) Yeah sorry about that. You can stay here. Goodnight."

 _Well that's a quick way to cut the s**t._

"(In Japanese) Wait so what dimension is th-"

"(In Japanese) Goodnight."

She reached for the light switch, and flicked it, leaving the room pitch black. The only light source is from the window, but it's very dim.

[The Next Day]

Jarvis's POV

Darkness. A shimmer of light.

"God damn it." I said to myself, before pushing myself up from the soft grass below me.

 _F**k that shrine maiden._

I wiped the dust off of my clothes, and began to walk through the forest.

 _Oh well. Back to square one._

Cirno's POV

 _It's that bastard._ I thought to myself, as I hid behind the bushed with Daiyousei, spying on him.

"Cirno-chan, don't do it! It's dangerous!"

"Dai-chan… If I don't come back alive… then keep me in your memory…" I said as I began to fly towards him.

"But don't worry. Because I'm the strongest!" I said with a smile, before jumping out of the bushed.

"Cirno-chan!"

Jarvis's POV

I casually strolled through the forest. Hoping to 'accidentally' bump into someone.

 _This is sooooooo boring…_ I whined in my own thoughts, as I heard some rustling in the bushes.

-S**tty poem incoming-

I walked closer and closer,

And what did I see?

A creepy b***h who jumped out,

And stared at me.

She pulled out a spellcard,

And said "Icicle Fall"!

But those bullets

Weren't even aiming at me at all…

I pulled out my pistol,

Aimed it at her head,

 _Please for god's sake,_

 _I just want you dead!_

The bullet tore through the air,

As she flew aside and dodged it.

And great, I don't have any more bullets,

Now that is some real s**t.

I'm probably screwed,

And we all know it's true,

But if you thought it was gonna end good,

Well then fock youuuuuu

-Back to reality-

"Perfect Freeze!" the fairy exclaimed.

"Ah! I can't see!" I hid my face behind my hands, my eyes still blinded from the cold.

"Eat this! Ultimate Blizzard!"

A swarm of bullets were created from her hands, and flew towards me. I opened and squinted my eyes, and saw what was once a grassy forest was now a frozen wasteland.

 _Oh boy…_

As the icy bullets inched closer and closer, I closed my eyes shut. And no, I wasn't afraid of them.

The bullets seemed to slow beside me, as I felt a mist of darkness surrounding my body. Black energy charged into my hands, and my eyes slowly turned into a bright red.

 _DaRkNeSs_

 _YoU hAvE bEeN dEcIeVeD_

 _LiFe IsN't AlWaYs As It SeEmS, aS tHe DaRkEsT sEcReTs LiEs… WiThIn HeR…_

Black blood (of course it's fake) came dripping down my hands, as I said "Darkness Sign – Skyward Corruption"

Beams of black lasers started to appear from my hands, forming a magic shield, blocking all the bullets which were coming towards me. The shield started to dissipate, and it turned into pulses of light which went back to my hands.

"Ha! Is that all you got?"

"Of course not. Or else why would you think that _**there's the word 'skyward' in my spellcard?"**_

Dark beams created from my hands spread out into the air, and stopped mid-way.

"Go to hell." I said, as I gave her the finger.

The beams started plummeting down at an insane speed, exploding with contact against the floor. The beams eventually exploded closer and closer to the fairy, as she blocked herself with her arms.

"Cirno-chan!" the green-haired fairy shouted from behind the bushes, as she darted in front of Cirno.

A loud explosion occurred, as the high-speed beam came in contact with the fairy's head.

"Dai-chan…?"

The green-haired fairy fell to the ground, while blood is spewing out of her forehead.

Cirno flew up to her, with a sense of realization of what just happened.

"Dai-chan…" Tears started to well up in her eyes.

 _I should probably get out of here…_

I ran in the other direction.

-Cirno's POV-

"Cirno-chan…" Tears started dripping from my eyes. "I…" She coughed up some blood, leaving blood stains all over her dress. "I… don't have much time left…"

"No! Don't die! Eye can't live without you!" (For non-Touhou fans: Since Cirno literally has the brain of a 6-year old, she usually says 'eye' instead of 'I')

She coughed up some more blood, this time landing some on my face.

"You're my best friend…"

Her body started to fade away, as my tears started to fall through her body and into the floor.

She hugged me and softly said, "I… love… yo…"

Her entire body faded away, leaving a P power-up box laying on the floor.

Author's Note:

It's now 28/10/2017, 6:14pm. Total time taken: 5 days.

I tried to write something different this time. And it… sorta worked out? I read some of my classmate's criticism and one of them said that I alternate between POV's too much. So that's out of the way, let me know what you think!

See ya next time!


	3. The Magic Dust Incident, Part 1

Prev Chapter (StoryWrite):  
/story/13571215-A-Touhou-Project-fanfic-Space-Warpers-Chapter-2-by-JarvisGaming

Next Chapter: Coming soon

Author's Note: I'm currently on my phone, so my typing is slow as heck. Today is 30/10/2017, let's go!

Chapter 3: The Magic Dust Incident, Part 1

-8:00 AM-  
[Jason's POV]

 _Beep beep beep._  
The alarm clock started to ring, forcing me to wake up. Marisa lazily reached towards the clock, but accidentally swiped it off the shelf, causing it to break into pieces.

"Well damn it." she said.  
She got up and picked up the pieces.  
"I'll be right back." She walked through the kitchen door.

 _Might as well check this place out._ I thought to myself, before getting out of bed.

I walked around the room, and eventually into the living room, where I see a giant cupboard, with a dim colourful light coming out through the hole.

I reached towards the knob, slowly opening it.  
 _What..._  
I looked inside and saw some bright, colourful magic dust, all in a glass bottle.  
Magic dust was extremely rare, and extremely dangerous. Anyone who owns even a pinch of it will be sentenced to death. To this day, there was only one bottle of that left, and everyone was scrambling to find it. Legends say that anyone who uses it on themselves will turn into an overpowered being, that no one can fight against.  
 _She has it the whole time!?_

"Master Spark!" Marisa said as she aimed her hakkero at me.  
(For non-Touhou fans: The hakkero,translated as _Eight Trigram Reactor_ or _Elemental Reactor,_ is an octagonal block, made of wood, with the eight trigrams printed in a circle on its front; despite its small size , it is a potent source of magical energy, and Marisa uses it to power her Master Spark. - From the Touhou Wiki)

I immediately turned my head around towards the magician, and my first instinct was to throw the tea cup on the table at the hakkero. I threw it, and it barely knocked it out of her hand.

I charged towards her and said, "Obliterate Chaos!"  
And... firing bullets in a house... wasn't really a great idea...

Bullets flew from my hands, breaking and shattering everything near us. "Oh s**t!" she said, before grabbing the table in front of her and blocked them one by one. She threw the table onto the ground, breaking it in half.

"Look... Can you promise me to keep his a secret?"  
"Are you crazy? You're gonna get us all killed!"  
"Well at least I'm not-"

[Marisa's POV]  
Knocking sounds came from the door.  
 _Double s**t._  
"Marisa!"  
 _I forgot about Alice..._  
"Marisa! It's me, Alice! Are you there?"

I quickly dragged Jason towards the closet. "Hey! What are you- " I quickly covered his mouth, refraining him from talking. "Coming!" I said loudly, before throwing him into the closet, signaling him to shut up. I shut the closet doors, and ran towards the door. I slowly opened it, revealing a yellow-haired magician wearing a blue and white dress, with two dolls flying around her. "Huff... Puff... Hey Alice..."

"So... Are you ready for our date?"  
"Yeah... just... give me a second."

I dashed towards the cupboard, swiping the magic dust and locking it in the kitchen fridge.  
I ran back to Alice.

"Okay! Let's go!"  
"Well you seem enthusiastic about it." she said, walking away from my house. I shut the door and went with her.

[Jason's POV]  
I immediately broke out of the closet after they have left.  
"Where the heck did she hide that thing?" I said to myself, scrambling to find it.  
After 10 minutes, I still couldn't find where it is.  
 _Damn it. She must've took it._

I dashed out of the house in attempt of tracking them down.

-The Scarlet Devil Mansion-  
[Remilia's POV]  
"Just as I expected." I said to my maid, Sakuya.  
I leaned against my throne.  
"Meiling, kill him."  
"Yes, Ojou-sama." she responded, before leaving the room. (Ojou-sama literally means 'young lady')  
"Ojou-sama, what exactly are you planning here?"  
"Just testing his skills. Let's see if the rumors are true."

I got up from my throne, and walked to the balcony.

[Jarvis's POV]  
I stood there, staring at the over-sized mansion.  
 _Now that's a place I could live in.  
Wait how did I get from there to here?_

"Special delivery for the human!" said a mysterious, but enthusiastic voice coming from the sky.  
"What?" I said while looking towards the human-sized crow who was heading towards me.  
"Here you go!" she said, slapping a piece of paper onto my face.

I took it off my face, and saw her flying off into the distance.  
 _Wonder what this is._

 _-Letter-_  
We are detecting some magic dust in a 30-metre radius from you. Please track the source of it and send the magic dust to us.

P.S. If you're the one owning the magic dust, then f**k you.

-Signed,  
The Space Warpers HQ

"Well that was rud-"  
"Another delivery for you!"  
"Hmm?"

She slapped another piece of paper on my face, which read:

- _Letter-  
THEN GET IT AND SEND IT TO US YOU RETARDED F**K_

"Alright... Sheesh." I said to myself.

"You shall not pass!"  
And turned my head around, and saw a gatekeeper, in Chinese clothing.

"This again?" I said, before taking out my pistol and shooting her skull.  
"AHHHHHHHH" she yelled in pain.

"Well that plan fell flat." said the head maid, Sakuya.  
"How about you SHUT UP AND GO KILL HIM!?" Remilia responded.  
"Yes, Ojou-sama."

She pulled out her pocket watch, and pressed a button at the side of it.  
(Sakuya's ability is to freeze time, as well as manipulating it.)  
Everything froze beside her, as she walked down the mansion stairs and towards the gate of the mansion.  
She pressed the button again, which made everything back to normal.

"Whoa! What the hell did you come from?" I said as I saw a neatly dressed maid appear right in front of me.  
"It will not matter." she responded, while pulling out some knives from her back.

"Another delivery!" the crow said as she flew by me and slapped another piece of paper on my face really hard.  
I took it of my face, this time leaving a mark on my face.  
The maid slightly chuckled, covering her mouth with her hand.  
"Hey shut up!" My face slightly blushed.

 _-Letter-_  
Don't waste any time, someone might be using the magic dust.  
P.S. The maid standing in front of you can manipulate time.

 _Fu-_

P.P.S. We're spying on you.

 _Double fu-  
_  
P.P.P.S. You're having an erection.

 _Triple fu- Wait what?_

I stared down at my genital, and saw it bulging out of my shorts.

 _I hate my life._

Authors Note: I'm just bored. I tried to deliver some more comedy this time, so it should be more entertaining, but I doubt any of the StoryWrite users would read both of the last two chapters anyways xD  
Anyways, see ya next time!


	4. The Magic Dust Incident, Part 2(Violent)

(This chapter was automatically rated Adult on StoryWrite, RIP)

Chapter 1: /story/13559421-A-Touhou-Project-fanfic-Space-Warpers-Chapter-1-by-JarvisGaming

Prev Chapter: /story/13577703-A-Touhou-Project-fanfic-Space-Warpers-Chapter-3-by-JarvisGaming

Next Chapter: -WIP-

Authors Note: If you are one of the ten people who actually read the last three chapters, well then I gotta say you have some determination in you :^)  
(This chapter is just me beating the heck out of Cirno, so if you want to skip it, it doesn't really matter)

 _Chapter 4: The Magic Dust Incident, Part 2_

(Warning: This chapter is more violent than usual) 

I stood there as I stared at the maid, pulling my pistol put and aiming it towards her. As the bullet tore through the air, she held a pocket watch out and said,  
"Illusion Existence - Clock Corpse!"  
She pressed the button on it, and everything froze in her command.

 _-Sakuya's POV-_  
 _Alright... this should be enough..._ I thought to myself, as I stared at the clusters of knives which surrounded him 360 degrees, leaving no place for him to escape.

 _Just... one more..._ I placed another one, right in front of his face.  
I pulled out my pocket watch again. "Unfreeze." I said to myself, before pushing the button, and letting time flow.

His eyes widened as he saw the metal blade right in front of him, piercing through his skull.  
The other knives came flying towards his direction, stabbing him in every part of his body.

As he collapsed to the floor, the knives stuck to his back stabbed him even further, the blades piercing through the entire skin.  
Blood started dripping all over, forming a puddle of it.  
He struggled to stand up, and sparks came flying out of his chest.  
 _How is he not dead?_

I pulled out another knife and prepared to finish him off, when I heard some yelling from the balcony.  
"Uh... Sakuya... I think that's a bit too much..."  
I retracted the knife, and stared at the tens of hundreds of knifes that were stabbed into him, trying to figure out how the hell is he still alive.

I sighed. And with a press of the button, I carried him to the guest room, located in the second floor of the mansion.

 _-Jarvis's POV-_  
"Ugh... Ow my head..." I looked around the room. It was heavily decorated, with a chandelier hanging just above my head.

"Am I having a hangover?"

"No, you're not." a soft voice answered me.

I rolled to my side, and oh god I was terrified...  
"AH GET THE HELL AWAY FROM ME" I yelled at her, scrambling out of bed and pulling my pist- WAIT WHERE THE HELL IS IT  
I put my hands into my pockets, trying to find it.

"Looking for this?" she asked, holding it in hand. I glanced over to her, and with a swift throw, the gun flew out the window, landing next to the half-dead gatekeeper.  
My entire body started to tremble, fearing that the maid would end me off right here.

"Relax... I'm not going to hear you." she said with a calm voice.  
My shaking started to slow down, but my fingers were still jittering due to the amount of knives that were stabbed into my hands. There were a huge amount of cuts and bruises here and there, but I wouldn't really care at this point.

"Besides, you're going to need some rest." In a blink of an eye, I was already laying on the bed. But... how?  
"You have a long day ahead of you."  
She walked over to the window, and closed the curtains.

"Oh yeah." She pulled out something from her back. "Here's your pistol.  
I rubbed my eyes and felt the mechanism inside. It's the exact same.  
"But... how-"  
"Time manipulation." she cut me off. "Get used to it."  
She walked out of the room, lightly shutting the door behind her.

 _God this place is weird..._

 _-SDM (Scarlet Devil Mansion) Gate-  
-Cirno's POV-_

I looked at the gatekeeper. There was a hole in her chest, with blood all over the floor. There was a thing next to her, but I'm not sure what it is...

"He must be here." I said to myself, picking up the mysterious object.  
Must be that 'thing' from the outside world that Nitori **(1)** told me about a while back.

I held it in my hand. It's surprisingly comfortable wielding, to be honest.  
I pointed the end of it at the wall, and pulled the little stick thing at the bottom. A bullet came out of the hole, and tore through the brick wall, leaving a hole in it.

An evil smile started to appear on my face, as I started to plan my revenge.  
 _Hehehe... Sweet freaking revenge..._  
I walked into the mansion, confident that I'll be able to defeat anyone that stands in my way.

I opened the mansion doors, and I saw a neatly dressed maid standing right in front of me.

"What is your business here?" she asked.  
I immediately pulled the 'thing' out and shot her in the chest. A small amount of blood was spat out her mouth, leaving her paralyzed.

Blood stains covered her uniform, as she collapsed to the floor.

 _Hehe... so it does work..._

I flew around the halls in search for the human, while blasting every fairy maid I saw in the way.  
"Haha! Eye'm the strongest!"

 _-Jarvis's POV-_

3 hours later, I was finally up and awake, walking down the halls.  
The maid, whose name is Sakuya, apparently, told me somethings about the library.  
There was a magician in it, (ZUN, creator of Touhou Project: And no, HER CLOTHES DO NOT HAVE STRIPES ON THEM). She extremely skilled with magic, so I assume she's the one having the magic dust.

The mansion was large. Larger to the point that it looked bigger on the inside than on the outside.  
 _Wait so... Left left right left right right left right? Or was it left left left right right left left right left right right?_

I had no idea where I was at, and the 'exactly same halls' only made it more confusing.

It was basically the same with a hedge maze, just throw in some concrete walls and a roof and you get a never-ending nightmare!

30 minutes later, I finally figured out where to go!  
It was left, right, left, left, right, up, left, right, right, left, down, down, right, right, left, left, up, right, righ- Ok you get what I mean.

I came to a set of double wooden doors. I slowly pushed them open, revealing a spacious library.  
 _Is it just me, or is this library taller than the mansion itself?_

"Helloooooo? Anyone here?" I called out.  
"Who the heck are you and what do you want?" A rather weak and soft voice said.

I turned to face the magician. She was wearing pink pajama-like clothing and a night-cap with a gold crescent moon on it. Rather than looking at me, she just sat down on a chair and continued to read through her book.

"You're... Fatchouli **(2)**... right? Whatever your name was."  
"It's Patchouli."  
"Yeah whatever."

I casually walked closer to her with my hands in my pockets.

"About the magic dust..."  
I pulled out my pistol and aimed it directly towards her head.  
"Hand it over."

She lightly placed her book on the desk, and turned her head to me.  
"Look, I don't know what you're talking about, and why you're talking about it. All I know is that I don't have that 'magic dust' you're talking about."

She continued reading her book, her back facing me.

"I suggest you go ahead and leave. You're just wasting your time here."

Sighing, I slowly pulled the trigger.  
Nothing happened.  
Clicking sounds were made, but no bullets were fired.

"Seems like you _really_ want to kill me."  
"Oh shut up."

I smacked her head, and she let out a small "Mukyuu". **(3)**

I looked inside the tip of the gun. Failing to see any bullets inside, I disassembled the gun.

"Hey wait a minute… This one is fake!" I threw the gun aside, smashing it into bits.

My eyes started to widen.  
"And you've only figured that out just no-"  
"But if I don't have it, then who does?"

A loud explosion occurred, causing me to fall on my butt and Patchouli to fall off her chair.  
"Mukyuu!" she exclaimed, smashing her head on the floor.

"Come on, don't be such a pussy." I gave her a large grin.  
"I hate you…" she responded with a weak voice, lying on the floor.

The library shook violently, causing one of the bookshelves to tumble right onto us.  
As I looked up, I scrambled to my legs and ran.  
"You're on your own!" I yelled.  
She glanced up to see the tumbling bookshelf. "Oh cr-"

CRASH!  
The entire bookshelf slammed onto her body, and yeah… There's no way she'll be okay…

I ran towards the doors-  
BOOM!  
Oh never mind, they exploded.

After the smoke started to clear, I can finally see the person behind this.  
Blue dress… Icicle wings… Oh no…

"Say your prayers, baka! (baka means fool)" Cirno exclaimed, pointed the pistol towards my face.  
"Oh I hate you." I immediately ran behind a bookshelf, with Cirno constantly shooting bullets, barely grazing my arms. 

_Ok… This should be easy… right? I mean, I just have to attack her from the back! Right?_

One of the bullets hit the bookshelf, the shockwave of the explosion causing me to land face first on another bookshelf.

 _Ok new plan… Run for it!_

I grabbed myself up and ran. Cirno was on my tail, shooting bullets at me like a machine gun.  
 _Please run out of ammo, please run out of ammo…_

5 minutes later, I was panting behind another bookshelf.  
 _Okay… I think I lost he-  
_ I turned my head, and saw a bullet explode right onto my face, knocking me down.

As I lied down on the ground, my vision started to blur.  
"Go to hell." She said, firing another one.

I closed my eyes shut, as I prepared for the immense pain.  
Waiting a little while, nothing happened.  
Opening my eyes, I saw the bullet freezing in mid-air.  
"Hey! What th-"Cirno was flung around like a ragdoll, and eventually slammed into the wall.

I slowly got up and walked away from the bookshelves, and lo and behold, Patchouli finally got out from under the bookshelf.  
"Patchouli…"

"Thank me later."

I walked towards Cirno, who was sitting on the floor, rubbing her sore head.  
"You…" I said, rather pissed.  
She nervously chuckled. "Ah frick."

I grabbed her legs and swung her around, like how Mario swung Bowser in Super Mario 64. Repeatedly smashing her head against a wall, blood spewed out of her head, and then throwing her onto the ground.  
She spat out some blood, as I was blinded by my fiery rage.  
I grabbed a nearby broom and charged it with darkness.

"Go-to-frea-king-hell!" I spat out each syllable, violently stabbing her with a broom in between each one.  
Blood splattered all over my face, and my hands.

She moaned with pain, as I threw the broom aside.  
"How are you still not dead!?" I yelled out, kicking her hard in the torso.  
She spat out some more blood, and weakly said, "I hate you…"

I grabbed her up and slammed her onto the ground once again. Her dress was all covered in blood, her limbs broken.

Breaking off the icicles on her back, I wanted to pierce her eyes, when Sakuya came out of nowhere and refrained me from doing so.  
"Okay. That's enough." I slowly calmed down and threw the icicles away.

I slowly walked out of the library, hoping to never see her again.

 _Stuff Explained:_

 **(1):** Nitori is a kappa/inventor.  
 **(2): '** Fatchouli' is fanon name for 'Fat Patchouli'.

 **(3):** After being defeated in Marisa's scenario in _Immaterial and Missing Power_ , she utters "mukyu~". Since then, fan works have often depicted her using this sound as a sign of surprise or pouting. –From Touhou Wiki

Authors Note: Yeah I have no life.


	5. The Magic Dust Incident, Part 3

Chapter 1:  /story/13559421-A-Touhou-Project-fanfic-Space-Warpers-Chapter-1-by-JarvisGaming

Prev Chapter:  /story/13595090-A-Touhou-Project-fanfic-Space-Warpers-Chapter-4-by-JarvisGaming-adult (Warning: Violent)

Next Chapter: -WIP-

For people who skipped the last chapter, let me sum it up:  
1\. Fought Sakuya and got badly hurt  
2\. Cirno got a gun and started killing things  
3\. Met Patchouli (a witch and resident of the Scarlet Devil Mansion in the library)  
4\. Beat the heck out of Cirno

Author Note: Let this incident be over with and we can all go home.

 _Chapter 5: The Magic Dust Incident, Part 3  
-Jarvis's POV-_

"Just... a bit more... and... done!" I said to myself, finished crafting another gun for my 'personal use'.  
"Well let's see if it works." I opened the window fired at the mansion gate.

Meiling the gatekeeper was asleep. Hearing a missile-like object flying towards her, she lazily opened her eyes.  
"Wha-"

BOOM!  
A large explosion occurred right next to her, blasting her off into the distance.

"Hm. Seems less 'explody' than usual." I shoved the gun into my pocket, throwing the remaining metal scrap into the trash can.

I gazed upon the clouds and began to think about the location of the magic dust. I closed the window and leaned on it, concentrating harder.

"Hmm... Who else could it be..." And then I realized.  
"Of course." I continued to talk to myself like a complete lunatic. "She's the only other magician I know of. Why didn't I think of this earlier?"

I went outside my room and went to the mansion library.  
 _Wait so... right right left up... Damn it I forgot..._

30 minutes later...  
I reached the giant double doors and I pushed them open.  
"Hey Patchouli- *cough cough* God... It smells like a dead man's corpse in here..." Clenching my nose, my oxygen was running low, so I decided to take another breath.

"Wait... Don't tell me..."  
"Yep. It's s**t." The purple-haired magician walked towards me and responded.  
"What the-"  
"Cirno is still here. And she did her business right here."  
"Wait can't she just leav- Oh yeah I broke her legs and wings now did I..."

I immediately snapped out of my thoughts. "Oh by the way, you're coming with me."  
"Oh yes please get me out of this hellhole."

She flopped onto her belly and gave me her hand.  
"Do you really hate moving that much?"  
She nodded in response, as I held her hand and dragged her across the floor.

As we passed the mansion gate, I saw Meiling lying on the ground, her clothes covered in blood. "Yeah you might wanna look away."

 _-Jason's POV-_  
I continued following them, hoping to find the magic dust.  
"Do you even know where we're going?" Alice turned to Marisa and asked.  
"Well… hehe… no."  
"And I _thought_ you knew this forest like the back of your hand…"

 _Oh boy… This is going to take a while…_

 _-Jarvis's POV-_

I casually dragged Patchouli across the forest like nothing ever happened.  
"So… Any idea of where Marisa lives?"  
Hearing the name of her lover, she slightly blushed.

"Well… I do like her a lot…" she timidly said.  
"Annnnnnnd nobody cares about that." I pulled her up onto her feet and she gently brushed the dirt off her dress.  
"Rude."

At the end of my vision, I saw 2 figures coming towards us, but I couldn't make out who they were.  
Walking a few steps forward, I realized that one of them was Marisa, holding hands with someone in a white dress.

"Hey Marisa!" Patchouli yelled to them.

Hearing that familiar voice, Alice realized who that voice belonged to… it was her… The person that she hated so much… The person that fought with her for Marisa over these years… Well there's also Nitori and Reimu, but they don't really matter at this point. The only person left to deal with was her…

"Yo Patchoul-"Her eyes widened. _Oh no…_

I slowly walked towards them, staying behind Patchouli.  
"Oh. It's you…" Patchouli said, glaring at Alice.  
"What the hell do you want?" Alice rudely responded. Even her doll glared at Patchouli.

"What the hell do you want?"  
"Oh nothing. Just going on a date with Marisa."  
"Looks like you two are walking around aimlessly more than you're 'going on a date'." I said from behind, staring at the both of them.  
"Hey shut up! This is our first time…" She face turned slightly red.

"Jarvis… Is that you?" came a familiar voice.  
I rubbed my eyes and looked at the person that came from behind the bushes.  
"Jason..?" (Jarvis was still wearing the translator, so his words came out in Japanese)  
"Why are you speaking Japanese?"  
"It's a long story…"

"You two know each other?" Marisa asked, looking surprised.

"Brothers. Well sort of anyways."  
"Oh. Should've expected that…" she said, gazing off into the distance.

"Hey hands off!" Patchouli and Alice started pushing each other, as me and Jason hugged each other for our reunion.

"Hey hands off!" A voice came from the distance.

"Somebody already said tha- Oh c**p." I immediately dashed to the side, dodging the giant extending boxing glove that came for me, hitting the two.

"She's mine!" A kappa came out from behind a tree. Her hair was blue, tied into twintails. She was wearing a blue dress with lots of pockets around the hem of the skirt and her upper arm, and a dark aquamarine backpack with a golden key on the strap in front of her. Taking a glance on her head, she wore a green hat with a white wispy symbol on it. (Based off of Touhou wiki, coz I'm lazy.-.)

"Oh not you again." They both said in union, before starting to fire bullets at each other. The kappa jumped in and started firing actual bullets from the machine guns that stretched out of her absurdly large backpack.

"I should probably get out of here…" Marisa mumbled to herself, before hopping onto her broom and attempting to escape.

"Not so fast." Jason said, grabbing her by the shoulder and stopping her from flying.

"What do you want from m-?"  
"The magic dust. Hand it over. Now." he abruptly cut her off.

"Yeah about that…" she kicked his face with the back of her shoe, then she began to fly off.

"Fock youuuuuuuuuuuuu" she yelled, flying into the distance.

"After him!" Grabbing the conveniently placed hoverboards which were sticking out ok the kappa's backpack, we stepped onto them and blasted off into the distance.

 _~Wait they're still fighting?~_

The kappa (Nitori) looked around, but couldn't find Marisa.  
"Wait… where is she?" she asked the two of them, and they stopped fighting for a second to look around.  
"Did she leave?" questioned Patchouli, looking at the sky and saw traces of the magic that was left by Marisa's broom.  
The three looked backed down and glared at each other.

"This was all your fault!"

"My fault!? If it wasn't for you she wouldn't have left!"

Then they continued fighting. Yeah they're definitely not going to win Marisa's heart at this rate…

 _-In the Sky because why not-_

"Logic Sign – High Retention Rate!" Jason pulled out a spellcard, white beams flying from his hand.  
"Wow that is the weirdest name for a spellcard I've heard."

 _-Another POV Switch but this time its Reimu-_

I was flying above the Forest of Magic, when I saw Marisa being chased by someone.  
"Help me Rei-"her mouth was covered by the white beams that flews towards her, and started to drag her backwards.

"Spirit Sign - Fantasy Orb!" She grabbed out some yin yang orbs and threw them, breaking the beams than were trapping her. (I'm not sure about how most of these spellcards work, since I didn't even bother looking it up)

 _-Is this too much POV switching? Jarvis's POV-_

"Wait woah woah shi-"Jason stopped right before flying into Marisa, which led me to crash into him, who crashed into Marisa, who crashed into Reimu.

 **Achievement Unlocked – Triple Kill**

Then we all tumbled to the floor.

Landing on the soft body that was Reimu (who banged her head onto the ground when falling), and being crushed by the two who fell on top of me, I asked her if she's okay.  
"Yeah I'm fine…" she weakly said, before her head was smashed onto the ground by the two hoverboards that came down.

Blood started dripping from her forehead.

"Uh… Reimu?" Marisa asked, hopping off Jason. There was no response.  
"Reimu?" Both of us hopped off of her, Marisa lightly shaking her body to see if she's conscious.

"Reimu! Wake up!"

-The Scarlet Devil Mansion-  
 _3 hours later…_

Remilia walked to the living room and turned on the television. As the pictures started to become clearer, she sat on the sofa and took a sip of her tea.

 **Breaking News**

Aya: The protector of Gensokyo, Reimu Hakurei, is now in a coma.

She spat out her tea.

Sakuya appeared next to her. "Is there something wrong with the tea, ojou-sam- Oh my…" She stared at the television.

Aya: We now have reporter Hatate, live on the scene.  
*The camera follows Hatate, while she entered the emergency room.*  
*Marisa was crying beside Reimu who was on a bed, while Jarvis and Jason stood beside her.*

Hatate: Rumors said that you 'accidentally' crashed into her, is that true? (Shoves a mic in their face)  
Jarvis: Wait are you recording? (Pushing away the mic)  
Hatate: Yep it's all live!

*The paparazzi started taking pictures, the bright lights forcing them to cover their eyes.*  
Jason: Hey! Stop taking pictures! (Pushes camera away)

*Hatate walks over to Marisa, the camera following her*  
Hatate: You're Marisa Kirisame, correct?  
Marisa: (wipes tears and sniffs) Yeah…  
Hatate: How do you feel about the incident?  
Marisa: (starts crying again)  
Hatate: (looks back at the camera) This is reporter Hatate, signing off.

"Huh." Remilia takes another sip of her tea.

Aya: Thank you Hatate. Up next, we'll talk about how the half-human half-phantom gardener, Youmu Konpaku, is actually a man.

And she spits it out.

So where is the magic dust? I have no idea, and we'll probably never know. All I know is: There's no way our reputation is going back up at this point.

-End of Chapter 5-

Extra stuff:

-Relationships (aka friendship points)-  
(This includes everything from Chapter 2-5)

Cirno:  
Beat her up _-20 points_  
And again _-20 points_  
And again _-50 points_  
Currently: -90/100

Marisa Kirisame:  
I mean you put her best friend in a coma... _-100 points_  
Currently: -95/100

Reimu Hakurei:  
She's going to be pissed at you when she wakes up. _-150 points_  
Currently: -150/100

Hong Meiling:  
Wai you shoot her.-. _-30 points_  
Wai you... explode her.-. _-20 points_  
Currently: -50/100

Patchouli Knowledge:  
You were an arsehole to her _-15 points_  
You got her out of a hellhole _+15 points_  
Currently: 0/100

Overall: -385 points  
Comment: Hey at least Patchouli doesn't hate you...

Authors Note: Touhou is not an anime.


	6. Just A Coincidence

Authors Note: The first chapter has hit 1k views on StoryWrite! Thank you for all the support! (Including the 2 followers on Fanfiction, thank you :3)

Prev Chapter: /story/13606551-A-Touhou-Project-fanfic-Space-Warpers-Chapter-5-by-JarvisGaming 

Next Chapter: -WIP-

Chapter 6: "Just A Coincidence" 

"Well this is a pretty cozy room." Jason said, walking around.  
We were back at the Scarlet Devil Mansion, since this is basically the place I live in now. I snuggled back into bed, even though it was only 3PM, trying to get my mind off the things that happened this morning.

"Extra! Extra! Read all about it!" A familiar voice came from outside the window. I opened my eyes, and saw Aya throwing newspapers around like danmaku. One of them broke through the window, landing right on top of me. I grabbed it and started to read it without hesitation.

-Bunbunmaru News-  
 **Robot and human kills Reimu Hakurei?  
** At 12:45AM, it has been reported that Marisa Kirisame, and ordinary magician, was chased by a mysterious robot and human, who presumably came from the outside world.

"I saw someone was being chased," exclaimed a resident in the Forest of Magic. "Then there were all these… beams coming out of the person's hands, and grabbed Marisa in the face. When Reimu was trying to free her, the two… um… people crashed into them and they all fell down."

It has been reported that Reimu Hakurei was dea-  
 _Wait bulls**t!_ I thought to myself, throwing the newspaper back at the crow… or tengu… or something of the sort. "Reimu's not dead, you prick!" I yelled at her.

"Why should you care?" She yelled back, sticking her tongue out then flying into the distance.  
"Pricks." I said to myself, before returning to my slumber.

 **-Marisa's POV-**

"Now lemme get that magic dust out…" I said to myself, unlocking the lock on my fridge.  
Behind me was a giant pot, with a lot of green liquid inside made from various kinds of mushrooms, spellcards and a few drops of blood from cutting my wrist.  
I put the bottle of magic dust next to the kitchen sink, before washing the cut on my wrist. "Ow ow ow…" 

I grabbed the bottle and poured all of its contents into the pot. Glittering sparks started appearing and the liquid slowly turned from green into rainbow colour. After a while, it started boiling for absolutely no reason, and some of it started to spill.  
"This doesn't look good…"

Bright rays of light started to shoot out of the pot. And that's definitely not a good sign…  
"Hope Sign – Colourful Shield!" I pulled out a spellcard, summoning a shield which blocked everything in front of me.

BOOM! The liquid shot upwards, then everything exploded in a blinding ray of light.  
After the bright flashed, Marisa opened her eyes and saw… nothing. Her house was completely obliterated by the explosion, leaving metal scraps on the floor.

"Well sheit." I said to myself, before the giant pot which was blasted into the air decided to fly back down and crush me.

 **Incident Solved… sort of: The Magic Dust Incident**

Authors Note: Well I guess I'll cut this chapter here :^) Nah just kidding :3  
(Well back to adventuring for absolutely no reason!)

 **-Jarvis's POV-**

Jesus I need some fresh air…  
I was walking around the Misty Lake (apparently that's the name for the lake near the mansion), while my 'brother' was back at the mansion resting.

"Ugh… So bored…" I whined, casually strolling along the side of the lake. 

Further ahead was the Forest of Magic. Well, might as well get into trouble than doing nothing.

I walked through the trees, and saw more trees. Obviously. Walking further, I saw another lake. Are things really that boring around this area?

At the other side of the lake, I saw a person working on a giant machine, but I couldn't make out who it was. Out of curiosity, I decided to walk closer.

"Um excuse me… What is that?" I asked. Rubbing my eyes, I realized that it was that kappa from earlier today.

"Oh this thing is a- Ah!" She jumped back, looking surprised.  
"Is there something wrong?" I asked. 

Her face started blushing immensely hard, before attempting to jump into the lake, only to bang her head into the machine.

"Uh… I'll take that as a yes…" I helped her to stand back up. 

She rubbed her sore head, checking to see if there's any blood.  
"Hehe… Sorry about that…" She started blushing again.  
"Okay… So what's your name?"  
"N-Nitori K-Kawashiro."

"Jarvis." I held out my hand.

She held out her hand and grabbed mine. "So no surname?"  
I started shaking it. "If I told you, then I would have to kill you."  
"Okay…" She trembled a bit after hearing that.

We both retracted our hands, trying to think of a conversation.  
"So what is this?" I pointed at the machine behind her. I was going to ask about her oversized backpack, but considering the boxing gloves that can come out of it and hit me in the face, I'd rather keep my mouth shut.

"Oh that. It's a cucumber generating machine!"

I _could_ also ask her why she looks like a human even though she's a kappa, but seriously, I don't even care at this point.

"Well, it's going to be, I'm still working on it…"

"Oh I see." I responded, looking off into the distance for the millionth time.

Silence started to fill the air, as we stood there and stared at each other.  
"…"

"…"  
We continued to stare at each other like weirdos.

"Should we… do something?" I asked.  
"Well do you **have** anything for us to do?"  
"Good point."

Silence continued to fill the air. Only the chirping sounds of birds could be heard.

"Wanna come to my house?" Well that was rather random.  
"Um… I mean I have nothing else to do soooo… Sure!"

I started to follow her footsteps. We were both silent during the entire trip.

20 minutes later…  
We started to walk up a large mountain. Nitori said that it was called 'Youkai Mountain'. I could definitely see why from the kappas and possibly some fairies we saw on the way up.

"We're here." She said. Her house was just an ordinary box-shaped house, with white walls and a dark blue roof.  
She bended down and used the key that was strapped to her chest to open the lock on the door. Oh so that's what the key was for.

Going inside, the rooms looked way bigger than it seemed on the outside.  
"Feel free to look around." She said, turning on the light switch.  
The ceiling lights lit up, making the room much brighter.

Looking around the room, there were only some ordinary furniture. There was a sofa there, some tables and chairs, and what seems to be a broken TV.

Walking into the next rooms, there was the bathroom, storage room, and her bedroom… which was heavily decorated with pink.  
 _Colour doesn't represent a gender… Colour doesn't represent a gender…_

I slowly looked away, and at the end of the hallway was a strange looking keypad. I walked towards it and punched in what seemed to be some random numbers. And like literally every story ever, it somehow worked.

The wall was split into two parts and were pulled to the sides, revealing a secret door.

"Huh." Nitori came up behind me, which made me jump a little.  
"You actually opened it. It's like you have some sort of superpower."  
"Nah. It's just luck." And for the fact that I'm a talking robot that can hack into devices.

She bended down and unlocked the door.

"Welcome to the basement!" I walked inside.  
It was a pure mess inside. Metal scraps were everywhere, blueprints were scattered all across the floor… _Wait are those disassembled robots?  
_

My eyes widened as soon as I saw them.  
"Yeah I know… It's a bit messy here…" She said as she shut the door.  
 _Okay… Is it too late to turn back?_

"Since you're here… Would you mind helping me test my lie detector machine?"  
 _Oh god what the hell should I do… Should I just make a run for it- Wait what did she just say?_

"Umm… sure?" I responded.

She went to the storage room and pulled out a flat, wooden machine.  
Looking closer, I immediately realized what it was.  
 _But… I don't have a pulse…_

She placed it on a nearby table and told me to sit down on the chair.  
As she was fastening the straps around my left hand, I was petrified of what she'll do to me once she finds out that I'm a robot.

Then came a long bell ring.  
"Oh coming!" she said, rushing to the door.  
She peeked through the peephole and saw her lover, Hina.

"Sheit!" she muttered to herself. "Uh… Give me a second!"

She ran back to me and unfastened the straps. Mechanical arms came out her oversized backpack, lifting me off the ground and bringing me somewhere.

"Wh- What are you doing?" I asked, already feeling dizzy from the amount of swinging

"Don't say a word." She whispered in my ear, before throwing me into her bedroom and shutting the door.

She rushed to the door and opened it.  
"Hey Hina-san!" she nervously said.

I leaned against the bedroom door and overheard their conversation.  
"Hey Nitori-chan!" she responded, looking around the room.  
"Are you sure no one's here… Like… eavesdropping on us?" she whispered.

"Yes. I'm sure of it."

I slowly peeked outside the door in curiosity.

I saw 'Hina' hand over a glass bottle to Nitor- Wait oh FUUUUUUU

"Here's the magic dust you asked for."

Hina has aquamarine hair and eyes. Her hair is decorated with red bows and white frills, and part of it was tied under her chin with a bow as a sort front ponytail. Taking a glance at her dress, it was a red dress which is darker around her middle and lighter on the bottom, which also has white frills on the bottom and an enormous white kerchief on top. The bottom of her dress is decorated with an aquamarine swirl at the bottom. As footwear she has knee-length black cross-laced boots. (From Touhou Wiki coz I'm lazy)

"And here's that 'death blaster' you've always wanted." Nitori responded, taking out a modified bazooka out of her enormous backpack and handing it over to her.

And then what happened was the most horrific thing I've ever seen.

Nitori threw the bottle into her backpack, while Hina put down the bazooka. They both hugged each other and leaned in, and made contact with their mouths, into what I call 'literally the sloppiest and worst kiss ever'. You can tell that by the fact that their tongues are rubbing right onto each other's faces, and that saliva was dripping all over the floor. Eww.

 **Achievement Unlocked: Nitori x Hina in the Worst Way Possible**

I could tell by Nitori's expression that she was **not** enjoying it, buy hey, at least they kissed… sorta.

They said goodbye to each other, before Nitori shut the door. Her face blushed because of that 'kiss', because it shouldn't even be qualified as a kiss.

She spit out some saliva, trying to get rid of that weird taste of another person's kiss. Yeah she was definitely wasn't comfortable with it.

She turned her head around, and she saw my head peeking out the door.  
 _Oh fu-_

"Double Extending Arms!" she exclaimed, and the same exact red boxing gloves shot out from her backpack, coming straight towards my face.

I immediately shut the door and locked it, and the robotic hands slammed against it. Looking around the (gay pink) room, I scanned for anything that could be used to block the door.

"What kind of bedroom doesn't have a bed?" I said, before the tip of a chainsaw was stabbed right into the door, right next to my face.  
The chainsaw started revving and the sharp blades and what seemed to be knives stuck onto the conveyor started circulating, leaving holes in the door.

My foot forced against the door and I leapt away. The 'knifesaw' slowly chewed through the door.  
"Sheit!" I said, looking for a place to escape. There was a window, but it was locked. I grabbed a nearby closet, and threw it right at the window, and it broke into pieces. 

No, not the window, the closet.

"What is this window made of?" The 'knifesaw' already broke through half of the door, Nitori's face now visible through the large cracks.

 **How to pick a goddamn lock 101:**

I reached for the lock, and pulled out a wooden splinter sticking from the desk. I stuck it in the keyhole and felt the 6 spring-loaded pins inside.

"I'm coming for you, you bastard!" Nitori yelled from outside the door.

I slowly pushed the pins up- Nope not like that.  
 _Anything I can use as a tension rod…_ I looked around the room once more, and saw a hairclip on the desk. I bended it into an L shape and stuck once side in. Applying slight pressure, I used the splinter to push the pins until they catch in the flush position.

After they all got caught in the flush position, I turned the hairclip 90 degrees to the right and the lock opened.

 **Lockpicking skills increased to 100**

Nitori kicked down the door with a bang. "Haha! Got you!" She exclaimed, firing bullet from her gun hidden under her hat.  
I pulled the window and jumped out. "Sayonara, you sick fu-"I landed face first, by the way.

Oh yeah and I tumbled down the mountain.

As the pain spread throughout every part of my body while they made contact with the ground at LEAST 50km/h, I saw a figure right in front of me, but only for a split second. 

_Green hair… Red ribbon… Yep it's her._ I grabbed on to her ribbon, and her face slammed to the ground. I'm actually starting to wonder if the ground's actually dirt, or bricks painted with green and brown.

Hina was basically suffocating, since her ribbon was strapped under her chin, and that I'm pulling it faster than she's falling. Anddddd for the fact that I slammed her into every tree I saw to slow down the falling, but it didn't really help with the situation at all.

 _Wait… is that a ledge? Oh damn you, life._

We flew off the ledge, me still holding on to her ribbon (for some reason), and we soared through the air.

"Extra! Extra! Read all about i-"We crashed right into the crow tengu from earlier, who was still throwing her newspapers around like danmaku.

 **Achievement Unlocked: Bullseye**

I checked on Hina, and she was… let's just say she's not doing well.

The three of continued to soar through the air, as we slowly approached the ground.

 **-Hakurei Shrine-**

Reimu was supposed to live here, but now with her in a coma, the oni Suika can finally do her favourite thing: Drinking sake in the backyard.

"Ah!" Suika said to herself, after taking a swig from her endless sake gourd. "It feels real good to drink sake all day…

CRASH!

The three of us crashed right into Hakurei Shrine, destroying the roof, and the walls eventually collapsed.  
Suika was perfectly fine though, the place she was sitting on wasn't even scratched at all.

She turned her head around. "… I might have to lay off the sake for a while…"

 **-End of Chapter 6-**

 **Extra stuff:**

-Relationship Points- 

Nitori Kawashiro:

She wants to kill you _-50 points_

Total: -50/100

Hina Kagiyama:

Is she dead? Hopefully not. _-60 points_

Total: -60/100

Authors Note: Getting back into practice of writing 2k+ words owo  
Anyways, thanks for all the support, and I'll see you guys next time :3


	7. The Crappening, Part 1

Authors Note: Sorry for the massive delay, I had 2 weeks of exams, and before and after that I had a writer's block.

Also can someone from Fanfiction leave some criticism, I would really appreciate it :3

Chapter 1: /story/13559421-A-Touhou-Project-fanfic-Space-Warpers-Chapter-1-by-JarvisGaming

Prev Chapter: /story/13606551-A-Touhou-Project-fanfic-Space-Warpers-Chapter-5-by-JarvisGaming 

Next Chapter: -WIP-

 _Chapter 7: The C**ppening, Part 1_

-SW (Space Warpers) Headquarters-

"Have any clue on where they went?"  
"U-uh no sir… We've lost contact with all of them after the outbrea-"  
"Bullsheit!"

The two men were both muscular, wearing full protective gear, made with magic and god knows what material. The man armed with electrical grenades and a blaster which emits fire and electricity, is the general, aka the boss of this entire faction.

The other armed with an AK-47 and an Uzi, is one of his most trusted men. He is one of the data managers, the ones who keep track of battles and communicate with other factions.

"But-!" He leaned towards the other man and whispered in his ear, glancing around to make sure nobody's watching. "Didn't we put tracking devices on them?"

-Jason's POV back in the SDM-

 _Why is my back so itchy…  
_ I put my hand on my back and began scratching it, before bumping into something which feels like a lump.

Pulling the thing out, I saw a metal plate with wires and sparks coming out of the holes, then I immediately recognized what it was.  
"You are kidding me." I threw the tracking device out of the window, and it landed on the back of the sleeping gatekeeper's head.

-Back to SW HQ-

"Yeah, but since all of them are so far away, we don't have enough power to connect to them."

"Well in that case…" The general said, pulled out it blaster and aimed it at the wall. Taking out a water rune, he put it in the canister which opened up from the blaster, and pulled the trigger. Blue mist emerged from the tip of it, as an eye-blindingly bright blue ray shot out, the concrete wall splitting apart.

Inside the hole of the wall, revealed a few switches. One said "Power", with 10 buttons below it, each saying a location in the floating spaceship they call a 'headquarter'.

Pushing the 'main office' button, he pulled the lever, the room becoming pitch black in a blink of an eye. The only light source was the dim monitor light coming from the computer in the office, currently being used by the data manager.

"Brainwash them and lead them to the base." The general said, and he nodded in response.  
"What about the robots? They're smart enough to uninstall the tracking devices on their own."

"The Robot Distribution Program. Remember?"

"The one where we send robots to children who we think are qualified of becoming a Space Warper? Wasn't that like…10 years ago?"

"Yeeep. And if we sent them to accompany the children, they would automatically treat it like family: meaning that they would still be with them right now."

He started typing frantically on the keyboard, before coming to a halt. 

"But general… We're in space…"  
"Yeah yeah yeah…" He waved him off. "Just park mini-spaceships to every part of the galaxy. We have like thousands of those."

"Copy that." He responded, continuing typing on his keyboard.

He had already gotten used to the general's ridiculous orders by now, no matter how impossible and outrageous they are. 

And if there's still not enough spaceships, duplicate them with your… copying ray or something like it.

"And… this should work…"

-Jarvis's POV-  
"Ow my head…" I said, attempting to stand up after that crash, before tripping over and crushing the person below me that is Hina.

She muttered something which I can't make out, before weakly pushing me off of her, which didn't work out at all.  
"There's no use in trying to push a heavy ass robot." I whispered in her ear, continuing crushing her body with mine. I was way too weak to roll off of her, not even enough to call out for help.

"Hey what's going on here-" Suika came from the back, her eyes widening.  
"Wha… What the fu-"

"Don't say it." Aya said, laying down on the floor further next to us, with obvious bruises on the ankles and arms, accompanied with some scratches on her wings.

"So… you guys need any help?"  
"He…Help…" Me and Hina muttered in unison.  
"I'll take that as a no…" She said, facing us and walking away.  
"Fuuuuck you…" We muttered again, hopelessly lying on the floor.

-Meanwhile at the Scarlet Devil Mansion-

Meiling was sleeping. Again. She leaned against the wall, and snored as loud as a bear, which attracted Sakuya's attention.

"Sleeping on the job again, eh?" She said to herself, pulling out a dagger from her back. Where does she store all those knives that appear out of nowhere? Who knows, I'm just going to say its magic anyways sooo…

She aimed her dagger at her head, and before she could stab her…

"OW WHAT THE F**K" She jumped up in the air, yelling in pain, before landing face first onto the soft dirt below.

Sakuya looked around, making no one saw this.  
"I didn't do anything." She took out her pocket watch, froze time, and ran back into the mansion.

Meiling pushed herself back up with all her strength. "What the hell Sakuy-"She looked around. There was no one there.

"What the…" She felt something gripping tighter on her head. As she felt for it with her hand, she felt like another lightning struck through her entire body once again.

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH" she yelled out, once again jumping in the air.  
She looked around. "Sakuya, I don't know what you're up to, but you better stop it!"

Nobody responded.  
"What the f-"

"Come with me and you'll won't be hurt." A voice cut her off.

"Who said that?" She held her hands up in a defensive position, prepared for battle.

"Relax. I'm just a voice inside your head." She touched the back of her head, and felt something cold coming in contact with her fingers. It seemed like a piece of metal with a small lump on it.

"Wow you found me. Bra-f**king-vo. Now just follow my directions." Its voice suddenly changed to a more serious tone.  
"What the hell are you- AHHHHHHHHHH" The device fired another controlled shock, this time twice as painful then the last one.

"You're not good at following orders, are you?" The voice continued, as Meiling tried to pull the metal plate off her head, but with little success. "Follow. My. F**king. Directions." The device sent a signal to her head on how to get to a spaceship.

"No- AHHHHHHHHHHHHH" Her screams were louder than thunder, and basically everyone in the mansion can hear her at this point.

"Resistance is futile." The voice said, but she ignored it and continued trying to get the metal plate off her head using any way possible.

"I'm done reasoning with you." The device sent out a series of controlled shocks, each more painful than the last. "AHHHHH OH F**K THIS HURTS"

At the mansion, most of the fairy maids were peeking out the window, trying to figure out what was going on with the gatekeeper.

"What the hell is wrong with her?"  
"10 dollars say that the gatekeeper is on crystal meth. Again."  
"Deal."

Two of the fairy maids were chit-chatting with each other, when Sakuya walked by.  
"Okay first of all…" Sakuya slapped them in the face with full force, leaving marks on their faces. "Secondly, she only does cocaine, which would explain why she was laughing like a maniac a while back."

"Huh." Both of the fairy maids responded in unison, rubbing the sore mark on their faces.

"You owe me 10 dollars."

"I hate my life."

"Don't we all?" Sakuya said, before taking out her pocket watch and 'teleporting' away.

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH"

 _-Reimu's POV-_

Light stormed into my eyes, as I slowly regained my consciousness. I slowly opened them, looking around.

"Ugh… What the hell…" I said lying down on my back.  
"So you're finally awake." Looking to the side, I saw the lunarian doctor, standing there like she's got nothing better to do.

"Eirin… What happened…?" I weakly said, trying to regain control of my limbs.

"Someone hit you blah blah blah, you were in a coma blah blah blah, and don't worry, you were only out for about 2 days."

I tried to get out of bed and stand back up, but the immense pain coming from my right leg refrained me from doing so.  
"Yeah, you broke your leg in the process."

She threw a crutch at me, which smacked against my face since I wasn't paying attention.  
Another one was thrown at me, and I managed to catch it with only my left hand.

Readjusting my position, I finally stood up again.

"Have a nice day!" Eirin said, as I walked out of the poorly built hospital. Well, it was the only one in Gensokyo, so why should I care.

 _-Hakurei Shrine-_

"Ow… ow… ow…" I repeatedly said to myself while walking up the shrine steps, trying to hold back the pain coming from my legs.

At the final few steps of the stairs, the shrine started to become clearer and clearer, and I could hear some talking from not far away. 

"Suika! I'm bac…" Seeing the shrine in a pile of rubble, I completely froze in my tracks.

"We should hang out sometim- Reimu!?" Next to the shrine stood Jarvis and a green-haired girl holding a blaster of some sort.

Their eyes began to widen, as they looked at each other, and pointed at each other by instinct.

"Wha-at the f-fu…" I felt my consciousness slowly slipping away, as my body slowly tilted backwards…

"No don't you pass out again!" He ran towards me and held out his hands, but it was already too late.

My head violently banged against the step below me, and my entire body tumbled down the stairs.

"… Oh s**t."

-End of Chapter 7- 

Authors Note: I hate Chinese History, and you should too. Hey at least I did decent on the exam. Again, sorry for the delay.


End file.
